Weird Quotes
Here’s an ongoing list of all the quotes I’ve listed on this site so far:
My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud.
- Henry Rollins
By reason of weird translation, many such sets of instructions read like poems anyhow.
- Brian Ferneyhough
I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers
I love the description of Gothic churches before the printed word, that they were the bibles of the poor.
- John McGahern
Everywhere I go, somebody is staring at me, I don’t know if people are staring because they recognize me or because they think I’m a weirdo.
- Leonardo DiCaprio
Never trust a skinny chef
- My dad
I can spend hours in a grocery store. I get so excited when I see food, I go crazy. I spend hours arranging my baskets so that everything fits in and nothing gets squashed. I’m really anal about it, actually.
- Cameron Diaz
The dog doesn’t know the difference between Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, so I have to walk the dog early those days too.
- Donna Shalala
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
- George Carlin
You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.
- A. A. Milne
The perfection of art is to conceal art.
- Marcus Fabius Quintilian
I’m not playing a role. I’m being myself, whatever the hell that is.
- Bea Arthur
Free speech means the right to shout ‘theatre’ in a crowded fire.
- Abbie Hoffman
Sunday morning I’m waking up
Can’t even focus on a coffee cup
Don’t even know whose bed I’m in
Where do I start
Where do I begin
- Chemical Brothers
I’m nutty bunny number two. I love me and I love you.
- Mark McKinney
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
- A. J. Liebling
Daisies are like sunshine to the ground.
- Drew Barrymore
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.”
- Joan Rivers
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
- Emo Philips
Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else’s.
- Joe Bob Briggs
You know what, rip me off once, shame on me. But twice? I’m coming after you and taking back what’s mine.
- Billy Mays
Living in New York is like being at some terrible late-night party. You’re tired, you’ve had a headache since you arrived, but you can’t leave because then you’d miss the party.
- Simon Hoggart
I’m shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won’t sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I’m certainly not going to go on somebody’s lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?
- Farrah Fawcett
If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.
- Michael Jackson
Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.
– Barbara Walters
The only animals I’m not comfortable with are parrots, but I’m learning as I go. I’m getting better and better at ‘em. I really am.
– Steve Irwin
If you throw money out of the window, throw it with joy. Don’t say: “One shouldn’t do that” – that is bourgeois
- Karl Lagerfield
Discontent is the first necessity of progress.
– Thomas A. Edison
The weeds keep multiplying in our garden, which is our mind ruled by fear. Rip them out and call them by name.
– Sylvia Browne
A schoolmaster should have an atmosphere of awe, and walk wonderingly, as if he was amazed at being himself.
- Walter Bagehot
A fan club is a group of people who tell an actor he’s not alone in the way he feels about himself.
- Kenneth Williams
Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.
– Salvador Dali
It is very, very easy not to be offended by a book. You just have to shut it.
– Salman Rushdie
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You’ll be mad, but it will be too late.
- Mitch Hedberg
Candy is dandy, but liquour is quicker
- Ogden Nash
If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
– Quentin Crisp
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
– Walt Disney
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
– Paul Valery
Einstein, stop telling God what to do!
– Niels Bohr
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
– Douglas Adams
Ikea people do not drive flashy cars or stay at luxury hotels.
– Ingvar Kamprad
America: It’s like Britain, only with buttons.
- Ringo Starr
It ain’t ignorance that causes all the trouble in this world. It’s the things people know that ain’t so.
- Edwin Armstrong
